Deciding whether to have a boyfriend
or girlfriend might be a big decision. There’s no hurry. Remember
that it is O.K. to be single.
If you choose to be single, it might
give you more time to do stuff that you want to do, like:
- Hang out with friends;
- Focus on school work;
- Enjoy extracurricular activities, like sports or clubs.
Being single can mean you get to
find out more about yourself. Not everybody wants to be in a
relationship. You might:
- Not feel ready;
- Have made a choice not to be in a relationship;
- Enjoy your freedom;
- Not have met someone you want to have a relationship with.
Only you can decide if you want a
relationship. It’s all right to take time to decide if a relationship is
right for you. In making this decision, you might want to consider what
you want from a relationship. Different people want different things.
Some of the qualities of healthy
relationships are:
- Romance;
- Sexual closeness;
- Intimacy;
- Friendship;
- Excitement;
- Honesty;
- Affection;
- Respect;
- Love;
- Communication;
- Happiness;
- Trust;
- Commitment.
Do
I really need a relationship?
It’s not unusual to want to be in a
relationship, as this is a normal part of developing as a young person.
You might be attracted to guys, girls, both, or you might still be working it
out. There is no pressure or hurry to find someone you like right
away. It’s O.K. to take your time. Taking it slow might be hard if
you are attracted to someone and you are not sure whether they feel the same
way. It takes courage to show someone you are interested in him or her.
What
if I’m attracted to him/her?
It’s important to spend time getting
to know the person you’re attracted to. Your first impression might not
always be accurate. You can discover more about each other by spending more
time together. If you already know the person, it might be a good idea to
think about how a romantic relationship might affect the friendship.
How
can I start a conversation?
For even the most confident people,
starting a conversation with someone you are attracted to can be scary.
If there is attraction involved, fears about being rejected or embarrassed
might race through your mind, causing you to become tongue-tied, shy or
nervous.
A great way to open up a
conversation and get to know a person better is by asking them open-ended
questions that require more than a “yes or no” answer. You might want to
start with general questions that are non-threatening or impersonal. You
can also talk about things you like. What sort of music do you like? What
do you do on the weekends?
If you feel comfortable and you
think the other person is comfortable, you might want to move onto more
personal things, like opinions. Try asking the person questions that
start with “What do you think about…”
Along with asking questions and
talking about yourself, it might also be helpful to let the person know you are
listening to him or her.
Here are some tips on how to let
others know you’re listening:
- Ask questions to get a better understanding of what the person has been talking about;
- Say what you think, feel or sense about what he or she has said;
- Repeat in your own words what he or she has been saying.
Body language—or the way you hold
and move your body while you’re interacting with someone—can also send out
signals to let someone know you are attracted to him or her. Body
language is usually unintentional. Some examples of body language are:
- Eye contact;
- Facial expression;
- Gestures;
- Speed and tone of speech.
If you’re attracted to someone, it
can be helpful to note his or her body language and yours. Making eye
contact and moving closer to the person, but not overcrowding them, are two
forms of body language that might mean that someone is interested.
But
what if my interest isn’t reciprocated?
It can be hard when you realize that
a person you’re interested in doesn’t feel the same way. You might feel
rejected, embarrassed or sad. Try to remember the good qualities about
yourself, the interests that you enjoy, and the positive things in your
life. Talking to someone you can trust can also be helpful. Try
talking to a friend or family member. If you’re finding that your
feelings are getting in the way of doing everyday stuff, it may be helpful to
talk to someone like a counselor.
Is
giving out personal details good?
If you’re starting to meet people
online, or are hanging out with new people in person, be aware of giving out
personal details, like where you live or your phone number. If you do decide to
meet someone you don’t know, try to do it in a place where other people are
around. It might also be a good idea to have a friend nearby for support.
Some people are not always honest and might give you false information or try
to hurt you.
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